I was talking with a close friend the other day, and something dawned on me.
We men, guys, boys, whatever, don’t talk “fluff”.
What I mean is that we typically don’t say any more than is absolutely necessary.
We use the fewest number of words we can to make the point.
Nothing extra, nothing ‘wasted’.
Whether that is a conversation, a series of statements, or just in response to one single comment that someone makes.
We have that “get-it-done” attitude…done as quickly and efficiently as possible…and then move on. We generally do not talk about feelings – ours, theirs, anybody’s.
While this works perfectly well with other men, it doesn’t with women or children.
Let me give you an example.
Your son comes home from school and says he was the last one picked for kickball during gym class. Most of us would say something like, “Don’t worry, it will be better next time” or “Get over it”.
What Moms say, and we probably should too, is “Sorry to hear about that. How did you feel about what happened? Did you enjoy playing on that team?” or something similar.
This normally results in them opening up and sharing more about the situation.
And how you may better be able to help them deal with it.
It is not just about their feelings, but the connection you make with them when you are truly interested in them, and they can sense that.
It’s about the connection.
Otherwise known as the relationship.
This is even more important in our marriage relationship.
Women overwhelmingly appreciate men who they refer to as “good listeners”.
Those men have embraced, and practice, not only listening, but responding with “fluff”.
Now I am not demeaning real, heartfelt conversation by labeling it “fluff”.
It is simply a word to describe what average men would think of as ‘unnecessary comments’.
Even I find it challenging, although I am getting better, to talk without really saying anything.
Just to be talking.
I believe this is one of the major reasons why wives/women feel ignored, not listened to, not heard, not validated, or that their opinions don’t matter.
They are not getting that connection from us.
We are not relating.
And that can be fatal to a relationship.
Men and women talk and relate very differently.
Both would need to change, or adapt, some to make communication easier.
But I am speaking to you guys…so YOU choose to change YOU
for the sake of YOUR relationship.
Ladies, if you are reading this, please show it to your man.
Would like to hear your comments, so please post yours.
For more help and tips go to Marriage Help For All Men